Thursday, February 12, 2015

50 Shades of NO WAY! #fiftyshadesisabuse #fiftydollarsnotfiftyshades

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I am a Christian.  I read the 50 Shades of Gray series.  Some would say those are mutually exclusive.  I have seen them called Mommy Porn.  I saw someone say in a forum she stopped reading them because she would have to go to Confession.   Yet, I read them.

And I say it was hours of my life I will never get back.  I feel it was wasted, BUT if someone reads this and considers what I say, it will not be wasted.



It should have been named 50 Shades of Domestic Violence.  The girl in the book is so naive.  It is set in 2011.  She is a senior in college which means she is over 20 years old.  She has never gotten drunk, and she is a virgin.  Many people dismiss this as totally fiction.  I went to a Christian college and by my senior year I was never drunk, nor did I have sex.  I know a number of others who did as well.  But she was so naive, she didn't even have an e-mail address.  Why?  What college student do you know who does not have an e-mail address?  I have had an e-mail address since 1995, when the character in this book would have been about five years old.

There is stalking.  There is control of where she goes, who she talks to.  Is this a loving relationship?  Not where I come from.  When he has sex with her the first time he is unhappy.  Unhappy because he has to be gentle.  Does this sound like someone who has her best interests in mind?  What man is unhappy the first time he has sex with his girlfriend?

Let's stop there for a moment.  Are they having sex out of marriage?  Yes.  Does the Bible speak to this issue?  Yes.  But, as amazing as it sounds, let's take the premarital sex out of this discussion because I feel like it's beating a dead horse at this point, it seems like everyone is on one side or the other of "It's okay" -- let's discuss the other issues here.

The writing is horrid.  A sixth grader would have a better writing style than this.  From a literary standpoint it is pure garbage.  Why would anyone want to read something that is so horribly written that I wanted to take a red pen to it and send it back to the publisher?  The reason I did is because I can actually discuss this topic with people and them not dismiss me with the question, "But did you read the book?"   Yes, I read the book.   Therefore I can form a legitimate opinion on it.

In 50 Shades of Abuse, Mr. Grey is just kind enough that keeps Anna hanging on.  She is showered with gifts.  A new car.  But she is watched without her knowing so she will "be safe".  If my fiance hired someone to watch me, I would be furious especially with it happening without my permission.

In the second book, Anna is stalked by a former girlfriend of Mr. Grey's.  The bodyguard mentioned above was hired for this reason.  Wouldn't it be a good idea to TELL someone that they are being stalked instead of hiring a bodyguard to be a second stalker?  Then the bodyguard might actually be able to be called a bodyguard instead of a stalker.  Keeping Ana in the dark is a trend throughout the book as "not to worry her".  I know I'd want to know what is going on around me in the situations where she is not told anything!

Mr. Grey won't use condoms as birth control.  All morality out of the issue, I would think this is a decision that should be made TOGETHER and not demanded by one for the other to be totally responsible for birth control.  Do you know what he says to her when she gets pregnant?   From the book:  "He bangs his hand on the table, making me jump and stands so abruptly he almost knocks the dining room chair over, 'You have one thing, one thing to remember! #@&#! I don't ^(@^&@# believe it!  How could you be so stupid?"  What was your partner's reaction when you were expecting a baby?  Were you called stupid?  

Do you realize Anna is SCARED of Christian Grey?   She thinks thinks like "He WANTS to hurt me" (page 317)  She is afraid of his moods (page 478).  There is disempowerment, fear, physical abuse, managing of what she eats.  Does sex make up for all these ways this relationship is messed up?  If you answered yes, do you think it's normal to have to sign a contract with your romantic partner about what is allowed and not allowed in the bedroom.  I know the only thing I ever plan on signing is my marriage certificate because I believe in a romantic relationship these are things that can and SHOULD be talked out and the trust should be there to not require a contract.

The Journal of Women's Health made this statement about the book:

Our analysis identified patterns in Fifty Shades that reflect pervasive intimate partner violence—one of the biggest problems of our time. Further, our analysis adds to a growing body of literature noting dangerous violence standards being perpetuated in popular culture” - Journal of Women’s Health

Do you feel it's okay to put up with whippings because you want a man to be more affectionate toward you? Anna states in the book, "Deep down I would just like more, more affection, more playful Christian, more ... love"

Twitter is being filled with the hashtags #fiftyshadesisabuse and #fiftydollarsnotfiftyshades where people are being encouraged to donate the $50 they would have spent seeing the movie to a domestic abuse center. (If you are looking for one to donate to, this one is local to my area. Rape and Domestic Violence Information Center of Monongalia, Preston, and Taylor Counties. of West Virginia.)

For those of you who think that Fifty Shades is just BDSM, did you know how the BDSM community feels about it? Here's an article by a dominatrix (warning, this link is not a Christian site and you likely won't want to click on it if children are around.)


What if you have bought the book and read it and wish you didn't? Did you know there's Pull Back the Shades campaign where you can mail them your book and they will send you a copy of Pulling Back the Shades: Erotica, Intimacy, and the Longings of a Woman's Heart. You can find out more about the program at http://pullingbacktheshades.com/ This program isn't available for ebooks. If it was, I certainly would trade in my copy!



Leah Heffner Blog



You can click on the photo above to visit a link up with more blog posts about Fifty Shades.  Thank you for taking the time to read this and considering my opinion.

1 comment:

  1. Wow! This is a great article. I will be sharing it with my WomanlyWoman.com readers. And thank you so much for sharing the Pull Back the Shades option! I hope this helps some people.

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