Friday, May 3, 2013

Don't reject me because I'm not a Mom!

I'm single.  And childless.  Do I want children?  Yes!  So why don't I have them?  Because I believe it's in God's plan to wait until marriage, I am childless.  (Please don't judge me for this.  I am not making a judgment on others here, but I need to do what is right for me.  One time I was telling a friend how I would like children, and she mentioned adoption, and I said I think children need a dad, and she said, "Mommies need a daddy to help as well!")

Single moms almost seem idolized to me.  "Wow.  You are raising your children all by yourself?"  Sure, it's a tough job.  I'm not saying it's easy.  But neither should women who are mothers be thought of more highly as those who don't have children.

I've watched women cry through services on Mother's Day at church.  Why?  They want children and don't have them.  I'm not saying the world needs to cater to the childless, but don't reject us just because we are childless.

Last year I visited a church on Mother's Day and was given a flower to wear.  I told the usher, "I don't have children."  He smiled and said, "Wear it anyway."  I felt so included.  For the first time ever!  I have children in my life, they just aren't mine.  Did it hurt the usher to give me the flower?  Would it hurt any church to give the childless Sunday School teacher a carnation on Mother's Day and say, "You have 10 children in your Sunday School class each week, you have a mother's heart."?  I don't think it would, but instead in most churches those who are waiting for marriage receive nothing but a heavy heart while a teenager is called to the front to receive a special gift for being the youngest mother present.  (And honestly, does that 14 year old really want attention to the fact she's so young and has a child?)

I've felt rejected over the years because I'm not a mother.  The first time was when a pastor's wife told me I was in sin because I was single and not a mother.  She said God designed for women to be married and have children.  I was actually told if I wouldn't submit to God's plan for me to be a wife I should go get myself pregnant so I would be in less sin by at least fulfilling the call of motherhood that all women were created to be.  Really?  Doesn't the Bible teach fornication (sex before marriage) is sin?  So I should sin to be in less sin?  Clear as mud!

In fact, I asked a church once about what ministries they had I might be able to get involved with someday.  I was told that they only allow people to minister as families.  That's a great idea in theory.  However, since I'm single and don't have children, I couldn't do anything.  If I was married or if I was a single Mom, I would be able to help at VBS, be a nursery worker, or anything else that needed done.

I have a blog.  I am building it up and increasing readership.  When I do a giveaway I list it on over ONE HUNDRED different mommy blogger link ups.  I believe I write good and thorough reviews.  Some of the "reviews" I have seen on other blogs at times are just copying the back cover of a book or DVD.  That's not a review.  That's cut and paste.  I don't know if she enjoyed the book, DVD, or how well the fabric softener worked. But it's okay.  Because SHE is a Mom.  I was rejected recently from yet another blogging program because I don't have children of my own.

I don't have children of my own for religious reasons -- once I am married, I hope to adopt.  (I'm so old I don't think I'll be able to have children of my own.)

I am not the type of Christian who will scream "persecution" over being rejected from certain blogging programs just because I don't have children because of my religious beliefs.  I've been to China and I know what real persecution is.  However, I do feel I'm being judged unjustly.  I don't need to have children to know how well a laundry detergent work because I have my own clothes to wash! I have had children's literature classes in college, and I know what constitutes a good book.  (I read about 100 books a year, as well.)  I love to read books for all ages, and the fact I cannot read to a child to whom I am a legal guardian doesn't mean I don't know if a book is good or not, and it doesn't matter if the children I read it to are mine or the child of a friend for them to know if they enjoy a book or not!

I enjoy blogging and enjoy writing reviews.  If you know of any review programs that don't discriminate against women who are following what they believe God's plan for their life is, please let me know, or if you are a company who would like me to review for you, please contact me at jenndiggy at gmail dot com and I will be in touch.  Just because I'm childless doesn't mean my opinion is less valuable than someone who has been able to have children. 

2 comments:

  1. I applaud your views and agree with them. One thing I have recently discovered is that girls need dads too. You hear so much about how boys need a father figure but rarely do they mention girls. As someone learning to respect men, I think it would have been way easier had I had a father growing up to look up too. I think that as hard as life is its easier to follow God's plan.

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  2. Thanks, Madonna! Yes, I do believe if at all possible children need two parents! :) Thanks so much for stopping by!

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